better everyday

So here we are two weeks later. I'm still making it just fine. I thought I'd never make it without him. But I am. I'm making it everyday. and every day it gets easier. Sure I still cry and I'm sure I will for a while. But I don't cry everyday any more. I cried yesterday because I signed my divorce papers. Not the final ones, but the answer to his petition for divorce. These are the ones that tell him what I want out of all of this. This is all beginning to feel more and more final.
He hasn't contacted the kids (or me) in a week. The boys keep asking when daddy is gonna come see them again. I just have to say I don't know. They are also asking me if I will find someone else to come and live with us and work on their bikes and take them fishing and stuff. Two weeks and they already want a step dad. That's a lot of pressure on mommy! LOL.
We go to court tomorrow because of the order of protection I have against him. They will decide whether to dismiss it or extend it for a year. They will also decide on a temporary custody arrangement and child and spousal support. Tomorrow is a big day. It will also be the first time I have seen him in a week. I dread it. I think this whole thing is easier for me if I don't have to see him at all. I still love him and I wish I didn't. I wish I could just turn it off and feel nothing for him at all. I wish it was as easy for me as it seems to be for him. I wish we could just rewind and go back a few years before all of this started. Before he started being dissatisfied with me and wanting someone else. Maybe I could have done something to make things turn out differently. Or maybe not. Maybe this was destined for failure all along. Maybe he was just never my Mr. Right. That idea is a bit exciting, I have to admit. Because, if that's the case, then my Mr. Right is still out there and the best is yet to come.
Whatever the case, my kids and I WILL get through this together and we will come out stronger on the other side. We are looking forward to a brighter and happier future.