OMGsh!!!
♫Crazy,♫ My children are driving me CRAZY!♫
Tommy is losing his temper and screaming and hitting walls and stuff like that. It's kind of scary to think what this could progress into as he gets older and this disorder gets harder to handle. I can hear it in my head right now. All the voices saying, "If that were my kid he wouldn't be acting like that, I would bust his butt and show him who is boss." and blah blah blah blah. I know the speech all too well. Mine use to be one of those voices. I use to know a lot more about parenting until I actually became a parent. Now I find myself at a loss all the time. I just don't know what to do sometimes. That makes me feel helpless. I wonder if other parents feel that way too. I wonder if there is another mother sitting somewhere right now with the same fears as mine, with the same concerns for her children as I have for mine. I wonder if she feels as helpless as I do when my boys go into meltdown. I wish I could talk to her, encourage her and be encouraged by her. I wish I could get little bits of advice on how to deal with all the challenges that come along with special needs kids. I wish there was a manual that we could pour over together. I wish there was someone who understands; Someone without judgement to pass and criticism to give.
I am thankful for the new meds and I hope they work at the low doses so that we don't have to keep tweaking it again and again. I hope that when Isaac gets his meds they work well for him too. I'm sot sure how much more of all this I can handle. I know that God knows how much I can take and He won't let it go past that amount. I am thankful for that knowledge. I think I may go right over the edge if I didn't know how He works.
I know that He said I would never be tempted above what I could bear. but He promised that with the temptation would come a way out. I wonder where that way leads. I wonder if it leads to that mother, that friend I long for. I wonder if maybe He is that parent. The parent of a troubled child. The parent that has a broken heart for His children as I have for mine. I wonder if maybe I already have the manual and just need Him to help me understand it. I wonder if I could talk to Him just like I could talk to another parent, maybe as I have a cup of coffee in the early morning when I am all alone in the quiet. I wonder if I could start the day out on a positive note instead of with the dread of another day full of that helpless feeling that always seems to come. I wonder....