Went walking tonight with a great friend of mine. Her name is Toy. I had a good time. It was nice to get out of the house away from the noise and the never ending mess.
I think we will be doing it on a regular basis...which will be good for my mind and my body!
When I got home, all the kids were in bed. Of course the are not all asleep. That would be too easy! But in bed is better than out.
I have been praying alot about my photog business. I know all businesses are slow in the beginning. But I sure wish mine would be the exception to the rule. I'm not sure what to do to speed things up. All I know to do is pray. So I will keep doing that!
The boys are not on any meds right now. After only 2 tries I am not sure I want to do this again. I felt so guilty. The side effects were obvious and awful for them both. I know we should keep trying and after a short break, we might. but just not right now.
I am so sleepy. I think it is bed time!

I'm tired. I'd like to sleep all day. I did that, as much as possible, yesterday. I woke up feeling the same. Even tho sleep is what I want...I don't think it is what I need.
I'd like to have a pill. A magic one that makes everything seem perfect even when i know it isn't. Wouldn't it be great to have an Alice in Wonderland cake or drink that made you fit what ever the situation. Wouldn't it be great just to fit?

both the boys are on new medicine. This is Tommy's second kind and Isaac's first. It is Adderol. I don;t think that this is the right one for either of them. Both are complaining of not feeling well at all. Tommy says he feels like he's shaking. He also said that he feels like jumping in a volcano. I'm not sure what that means. He cries at nothing and lays on the couch all day. I hate this. He's laying here screaming at me because he doesn't want to watch what is on tv right now. I'm supposed to call my friend April but I can't because it is so loud in here there is no way I could hear her or she could hear me. urg!

My dad gave Isaac a guitar. It is the perfect size for him and he carries it around the house. He strums it like crazy. It makes him feel cool. :) Mr. Tony will be giving him guitar lessons at school this year. I'm excited about that. I know that Isaac is too.

I have been cleared by my cardiologist to have my long awaited hysterectomy. YAY! I never thought I'd be glad to have surgery. am really looking forward to this. Maybe I can take natural hormone replacement supplements and finally get all straightened out.

Poor Isaac feels horrible. Stupid medicine. He is very vocal about how rotten he feels. I feels sorry for him. And Tommy seems t be extra sensitive to sounds...especially the sound of little Jacob's voice. But hey, I think we are all sensitive to the little screamer, lol.

Well. I could write about their fighting ans fussing all day...but I think I will sign off for now.

Until next time,

Shirley

He knows! He knows what we need. I just hope He agrees that we need it now! Lol!

OMGsh!!!
♫Crazy,♫ My children are driving me CRAZY!♫
Tommy is losing his temper and screaming and hitting walls and stuff like that. It's kind of scary to think what this could progress into as he gets older and this disorder gets harder to handle. I can hear it in my head right now. All the voices saying, "If that were my kid he wouldn't be acting like that, I would bust his butt and show him who is boss." and blah blah blah blah. I know the speech all too well. Mine use to be one of those voices. I use to know a lot more about parenting until I actually became a parent. Now I find myself at a loss all the time. I just don't know what to do sometimes. That makes me feel helpless. I wonder if other parents feel that way too. I wonder if there is another mother sitting somewhere right now with the same fears as mine, with the same concerns for her children as I have for mine. I wonder if she feels as helpless as I do when my boys go into meltdown. I wish I could talk to her, encourage her and be encouraged by her. I wish I could get little bits of advice on how to deal with all the challenges that come along with special needs kids. I wish there was a manual that we could pour over together. I wish there was someone who understands; Someone without judgement to pass and criticism to give.
I am thankful for the new meds and I hope they work at the low doses so that we don't have to keep tweaking it again and again. I hope that when Isaac gets his meds they work well for him too. I'm sot sure how much more of all this I can handle. I know that God knows how much I can take and He won't let it go past that amount. I am thankful for that knowledge. I think I may go right over the edge if I didn't know how He works.
I know that He said I would never be tempted above what I could bear. but He promised that with the temptation would come a way out. I wonder where that way leads. I wonder if it leads to that mother, that friend I long for. I wonder if maybe He is that parent. The parent of a troubled child. The parent that has a broken heart for His children as I have for mine. I wonder if maybe I already have the manual and just need Him to help me understand it. I wonder if I could talk to Him just like I could talk to another parent, maybe as I have a cup of coffee in the early morning when I am all alone in the quiet. I wonder if I could start the day out on a positive note instead of with the dread of another day full of that helpless feeling that always seems to come. I wonder....

Wow. What a day. We had 3 appointments today within 2 1/2 hours. It was kinda crazy. I hope to never have to do it like that again.

Isaac and Tommy had therapy and then Tommy saw the psychiatrist for the first time.

When we first started to wonder if something was wrong, I started reading everything I could get my hands on. I came to the conclusion that I thought he had ADHD and ODD. After going to therapy for a while and now seeing the psychiatrist, it turns out, I was right. He has both. I wish I had been wrong. I hope that catching it and treating it early will make a big difference to him. Especially with the ODD. ODD stands for oppositional defiant disorder. It is just as scary as it sounds. If you haven't heard of it, you should look it up.

He has been put on two different meds. I hope they work for him without causing any side effects. I feel like he really needs this. I feel like he may only get worse without it. I hope that we also have good result from the meds that I know they will be putting Isaac on. If you are reading this, I sure hope you will pray for all of us. It would be great if you would let me know you are praying. I would be encouraged by that.

My Monday was a pretty good one! I got a tiny bit of housework done...although a normal person probably couldn't tell I'd done anything at all. I made lasagna (from the freezer) and garlic cheese bread (from scratch). For the latter, I used the bread machine. The recipe was a good one but the bread didn't get done in the allotted amount of time and I had to finish it up in the oven. That means that the inside was really soft and kinda moist (lots of cheese) and the outside was as hard as a rock! Tommy swore it was good tho.
Our friend, Adam came over tonight. He's always good company. He's quite funny. Tommy likes him a lot. I'm glad of that. My sweet hubby needs more friends. He kinda keeps to himself. I'm glad they have become friends. We all watched New Moon. It's pretty much a chick flick but the watched it anyway...and liked it. Good guys!
The kids behaved themselves while he was here, for the most part. Sam was very vocal and just would not be quiet. She's such a talkative little thing. She still refuses to say Mama tho.
Isaac and little Tommy have therapy tomorrow afternoon. I know they need to go but it is not something I am looking forward to. I haven't seen any results yet, good or bad. I hope to see some soon. Tommy goes to his first visit with the psychiatrist this Thursday. I'm a bit nervous about that. I'm not sure what I'm gonna hear from her. I'm not sure about meds and stuff like that. I know he needs something to change before school starts again. Part of me is looking forward to trying meds. the rest of me is worried that it will change him too much. I have seen kids who are either on too much medicine or on the wrong kind altogether. I don't want him to be a little zombie boy. But I don't know how much more I can take of things the way they are right now. I'm praying that they find the right med. and the right dose on the first thing they try. That isn't too much to ask is it?