I feel like screaming

OMGsh! What a day this has been so far.
This will be the kids first year trick or treating. We have never celebrated Halloween before. Personally, I don't wanna get it started but this was not my choice.
We picked today to get them to clean their room, when all they can think about is dressing up and eating candy. This ha been going on for a few hours now. I know their room was a mess but good grief.
They can not get along with each other today. They keep screaming and fighting. It's been a crappy day. I can't quit shaking. It's even hard to type. I just feel like crying. Tommy is off somewhere on his motorcycle. I'm beginning to hate that thing. It's like a mistress with wheels. It seems that when he isn't at work he is either riding his bike or working on it. And I'm left in here alone with 4 little screamers.
It's not that I don't love my family. I DO. I really DO. I just think I need to take a little time for myself away from the kids. A little time away with Tommy would be even better. But I just don't see that happening. First I'd have to drag him away from his bike and then I'd have to actually have someone who is willing to keep 4 kids at one time. :(
Put the frustration together with being sick all the time and there you have my life. I swear I feel like I am just falling apart. It seems such a young age to be feeling this way. The latest thing is a bum pancreas.Six months ago, I spent 7 days in the hospital because of my gall bladder, my pancreas and my liver. They removed my gall bladder and lots of stones in the ducts in there and that calmed down my liver and pancreas. I thought it was all better but suddenly my pancreas is inflamed again. I just want it to normal again. Apparently that isn't ever gonna happen.
So there. I've whined.
There is another thing that is really bothering me. I guess I could just make this whole post a rant and tell you about that too.
It is Samantha. A few months ago, at her last check up, the Dr. said she was developmentally delayed. I knew this already since we already have 3 other kids. He said that he thinks she is showing the early signs of a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) also known as an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Isaac, our oldest, has a PDD called Asperger's Syndrome. This is probably what is going on with Sam. She seems to be a bit more behind than he was at this age. She still isn't walking and she only says Dada. Nothing else. Just Dada. She's just under 16 months old. At first I wasn't sure I agreed with the doc. But as time goes on and I see no developmental advancement, I think he may be right. This is heartbreaking. I know what a hard time Isaac has and I hate to think of how things will be for Sam. There is also a bit of selfishness in there. I'm also worried about me. I have a hard time handling what I already have on my plate. I'm not sure how I can handle more. I know people will say that God will not put more on you than you can bear. Unfortunately I know that the scripture actually says that we will not be TEMPTED above what we are able to bear but with the TEMPTATION, we will also be given a way of escape. Those are two very different statements. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that God is piling things on just to see how much it takes to break me. It isn't that at all. I just know that even in scripture God's people were several times in situations that proved too much for them. In these situations we are to call out to God, to rely on His strength and not our own. We have to do this because it really is more than we are able to handle so he has to handle it for us. It is awesome to know that He can and will take care of us in hard situations. The hard thing is to trust him to do it. The creatures we are, it is hard to put the ball in any one's court but our own. I am trying to give my kids to the Lord a little more each day. I know that He can handle all the things that I can't.
In Christ,
Shirley

my beautiful little monster

Wow. Today was a very long and trying day. Little Tommy has got me at my wits end. I'm not even sure what to do with him anymore. I feel so helpless because it seems that nothing I do seems to work.
He laughs at me when I try to discipline him. He screams and throws, kicks and punches things. He is just generally hateful. He is MEAN to his brothers and even to his little sister. She is only 15 months old and he screams at her just like he does at his brothers.
He can be the sweetest little guy you have ever met. But only when he chooses to be. The trouble is, he rarely chooses to be.
So what is his problem you may ask?
He has ADHD, Bi-polar disorder and ODD.
I'm sure you are familiar with ADHD and maybe even bipolar disorder but it seems that no one has any idea what ODD is. ODD stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Say that out loud and slowly to yourself. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is just as scary and hard to deal with as it sounds like it would be. As a matter of fact I have no idea how to deal with it. No idea at all! So if any of you out there have a child with similar issues, please comment. I would love to hear from you!